how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
