Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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