i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
