Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
