Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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