What a fucking waste of an outfit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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