i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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