I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
