I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
