Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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