So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
