I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
