I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
