Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Text me some of your sweat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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