you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
