I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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