I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
