I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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