I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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