I hate all girls vehemently.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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