just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
