I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a search helicopter?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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