I hope mine doesn't look like that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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