We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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