Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
