Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this will be a night to untag.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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