You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love having hate sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
