The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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