Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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