If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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