you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
