if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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