she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
