I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
