just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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