I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
