I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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