my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
