i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
