It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Shame - the story of my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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