Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
