I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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