i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
