he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
