Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
