that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
