she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
