she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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