we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
