Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
